I Came Here For A Quick Fck But Got Married Instead
by SasoDeiShipper4Life
Summary: Both Eren and Levi are forced to get a gay dating app, Grindr, and look for a quick 'fuck' by their friends. They didn't quite expect to get married. Collab with ChaosAngel1111. Reuploaded from her account.
1. Chapter 1

"C'mon, Eren!", Armin said loudly in the boys right ear, a huge grin spreading across his face.

"Just do it, you know you want to", Mikasa chimed in, barely any emotion put into her words, as always.

Eren looked down at his white IPhone4S, the screen's brightness almost burning his tired eyes. He was on the App Store, and Mikasa and Armin were currently forcing him to get a specific dating app. Okay, so it was a gay dating app. It was pretty popular too, or so he'd heard. Sure, he's gay, but he's never used this app before because he never really has been too bothered about the fact he's never lost his virginity.

Eren's eighteen and all of his friends think it's a crime to not have lost his virginity yet. Even Mikasa lost her virginity! And Armin too, yet the German boy hadn't. That's why they seemed so desperate to make him get a dating app to find a quick fuck. Okay, so Mikasa wasn't so desperate, but Armin and Jean were.

"Guys, I don't want to do this-" He starts, only to be interrupted by Jean.

"Fucking download the app, you pussy", He smirked, taking Eren's phone from him, ignoring his protests.

"At least I get more pussy then you", They both laugh, "Hey- My phone! Jean!" Eren shout his name, but Armin and Mikasa seem to be holding him back whilst Jean started typing shit down on his phone.

He finally gives the teen back his phone with a dark looking grin planted on his face.

Suddenly, the teenager feels dread in looking on his phone because of whatever the fuck Jean's done with it. When Jean makes that face, it's never good. Especially now. Eren waited for a moment before he eventually decided to look at his phone's screen.

On the screen, a bright yellow flashed up, with a black-looking mask-like-thing. The name of the app eventually came up, it was Grindr. How did Jean even know this existed? Eren let it go and decided he'd create an account since Jean's already downloaded the app, and why waste?

It asked for his email, so he typed it in. .

It then asked for a password… That'll be hard. He quickly thought of one, then typed that in also. Jeangayass? Sure, that'll be his password. No, this one'll be better. Jeanisgayaf.

Next it told him to do a captcha, where you type in letters from a picture or sound as best as you can. So he did it, and got through first time, of course.

After, it asked for his name: Eren Jaeger

It asked for his age: 18

It asked him for his preferred pronouns/labels: Male, gay.

It asked for some other stuff too, like, what kind of guys he was into, that sort of thing. So he clicked on some of the types of men he likes.

Bear? No.

Daddy? No.

Older? If they're cute and still look quite young, sure. He hesitated for a second before pressing yes, what if some grandfathers came up asking for a quick fuck? That didn't really appeal to him in any way. But then again, he did say if they still look quite young and are cute/hot, then sure. But not too old, definitely. So he pressed yes.

Foreign? Sure, he's not racist; his sister was fucking Asian after all.

Young? 18. And maybe a year younger if he was so totally in-fucking-love. Sure. He guessed that it's good someone can only be 18 for this app.

Twinks? He wasn't even sure what that was? He wasn't exactly educated in the gay world, per-say. He guessed it was something related to cute guys perhaps? He went for yes.

The small German boy knew what a bear was, though. Jean would always vent to him about bears messaging him for sex on Grindr. Yes, Jean had Grindr. He's not gay, nor is he bi. He's pansexual. He currently has a crush on one of our friends, Marco Bodt. Eren found it cute, because they always give each other these cute little looks that are just so… cute! In fact, you could say Eren shipped them, they are legit head canon. Enough about Jean's little gay side, though.

Jean's the reason he'd even gotten this new gay app.

Fuck.

This is why they shouldn't be friends, but also why they should.

Let's see, what else… Nerds? Yeah, He likes nerds. He's into nerds. He's sort of a nerd himself, so if he says no, it's kinda' like rejecting his own kind. That's never good, 'nerds for all and all for nerds!'. Did he seriously just make that joke and change it to nerds? What even was he. He's Tumblr trash, He doesn't belong on a gay site to find a dude to randomly fuck.

Plus, he found some of his 'kind' quite cute anyhow. Excluding himself, of course. He wasn't that narcissistic, like Jean. God, why does he keep mentioning Jean? It's like he's in love with him or something, when he's not. They're literally best friends. That's it.

So what if Eren had a small tiny little crush on Jean for like, a week, who could blame him? Jean was sexy as fuck and Eren was jealous.

Now, he was trying to find some cute guy to take his virginity, he didn't really care for the right person. He just wanted to fuck and get it over with, so he wouldn't have to worry about dying a virgin or keep having Jean and everyone else stick their judgement up his ass about still being a virgin. Kay, so he was a little forced into it. But like what was mentioned before, he didn't really care about the right person.

Back to reality, he was typing down his information for Grindr, with Mikasa, Jean and Armin's eyes burning into each of his sides and his back. And as he was finishing up with putting all his details and information down onto his new account, it came to a part where it asked for a profile picture. This is the part where he asks for Jeans help.

"Hey, Jean-" He started off.

"Yessssss, my little virgin-Jaeger!", Jean interrupted him abruptly.

"Shut up! It's asking for a profile picture, help me?" He asked, passing the phone back to Jean, hesitantly.

Jean took the phone, saved the information so far and then scrolled through Eren's photo's, looking through all of his selfies and grinning, "You got good selfies, but I think we need an abb shot", his grin grew as he looked in Eren's direction. "Armin, Mikasa. Grab him"

Armin and Mikasa suddenly grabbed Eren's arms and pulled them behind the chair he was sat on, so he was unable to move. Jean sat on Eren's lap, keeping his legs down so he won't kick him off, and lifted up Erens shirt, exposing his nicely toned six pack.

"Hey!" Eren growled but was unable to get free as Jean took a picture of Eren's tanned upper body, edited it slightly, to define them, and made it Eren's profile picture on Grindr.

"There", Jean said proudly as Mikasa and Armin let Eren free, and he gave Eren back his phone.

The German boy glared at the horse for a moment before looking at his Grindr page, his account looked alright, and so did his profile picture. He still wasn't happy with the fact that Jean took an abb picture without his permission, but oh well. It's Jean. He thought he'd just leave it at that and see if he got any one good coming up to him at some point.


	2. Chapter 2

Levi was really enjoying the dream he was having, until someone pounced on his bed, effectively waking him up by making him bounce onto the floor.

He tried to fight down the growl building in his throat, but he was still tired and the growl escaped anyway.

"Mornin', Levi!" Hanji practically screamed, leaning over the edge of the bed to look at her friend. "Aw, you look adorable like this! You're like a little puppy!"

Levi was now sitting on the floor, his quilt wrapped tightly around himself, completely covering his body aside from his face. It must have rendered his glare ineffective if Hanji was calling him adorable.

"The fuck do you want, four-eyes? It's too God damned early for me to be dealing with you, I haven't even had coffee. How the fuck do you even have so much energy?" The shorter man snapped.

"Levi, it's almost one in the afternoon, and I thought you would have figured out by now that I have copious amounts of energy no matter what time it is." Hanji grinned, "Also, I made you coffee, exactly the way you like it, consider it my apology for breaking into your apartment and waking you up."

Levi glared at her a little longer before standing up, keeping the quilt wrapped around himself, "I knew I should've taken your key away from you." He moved towards the door,not bothering to wait for Hanji.

She scrambled up from the bed and hurried after Levi. Hanji found him sat on a stool at the island counter, one hand holding the quilt around his shoulders, the other holding his mug to his lips in that weird way as he sipped his coffee.

Hanji sat across from him and waited for Levi to finish his first cup of coffee, then began to speak while he made his second cup. "So you wanted to know why I was here right?"

"Well I think I deserve an explanation, if you don't mind." Levi replied,waiting for the kettle to finish boiling before he made himself another coffee. He just barely got back into his seat before something was thrust into his face.

"I wanted to show you this really cool app, I think it's perfect for you." Hanji said quickly.  
Levi leaned back a little and it took him a moment to realise the app was Grindr and another moment to realise that Hanji was holding his own phone.

"Hanji, why the fuck did you take my phone and why are you downloading random shit onto it?" He ground out through clenched teeth. When the hell had she even had the chance to take it? Levi kept his phone on his person at all times, except when he was sleeping, in which case it was on his bedside table or under his pillow.

"That's not important right now! Just use this app OK?"

"Isn't Grindr some sort of gay dating app?" Levi questioned, thins eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. He wasn't annoyed with the fact that it was a gay dating app, just the fact that Hanji had stolen his phone and was downloading random things that could fuck his phone up. "Is that the only thing you downloaded? I won't be going through my phone and find pictures of half naked guys randomly taken from the internet?"

"I swear on Erwin's life that this is the only thing I've downloaded, and I haven't touched anything else on your phone. And yeah, Grindr is a gay dating up." Hanji answered, "Promise me you'll use it, Levi? Erwin and I both have someone now and we both think that you should find someone too, you're not going getting any younger. We don't want you dying alone Levi, and we can tell you aren't completely happy like this." She pleaded, giving Levi a look that almost made him want to cry.

Hanji looked absolutely crestfallen and despite how much Levi complained and acted like he disliked her, he'd known her all his life and still considered the older woman one of his best friends, aside from Erwin. "I don't want to have relationship Hanji, at least not now." He hated hurting her like this, but it was truth. "I'll be fine for now."

"At least try and get laid then, you must have a serious case of blue balls right now." Hanji grinned, trying to lighten the serious and slightly depressing mood she had created.

"If it gets you to shut up and leave my apartment so I can shower and go about my day, then fine, I'll give it a go."

Hanji grinned and hugged Levi tightly, "Thank you, baby!"

Levi allowed a small smile to tug at his lips as he hugged the taller woman back.

Hanji stayed a little while longer and they talked about random things until the woman jumped up from her seat on the sofa, eyes wide, "I just remembered that I was supposed to be going out with Moblit later today! I need to go get ready! I'll see you later Levi, and I'll know if you haven't been using Grindr!" She rushed out of the front door and Levi doubted she heard the goodbye that he had called out quickly.

He remembered he needed to shower and get dressed, so he did so hurriedly and made his way into the kitchen again to make some food.

He spotted his phone where Hanji had left it on the counter and he eyed it before picking it up and checking out the app. It seemed that Hanji had already set up his account and Levi decided to explore a little while he made himself a sandwich. He planned on familiarizing himself with the app, and then maybe eventually he would start looking for someone to settle down with, but for now he was only looking for a quick fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

It was Thursday night, and Eren hadn't touched Grindr since the day after Jean downloaded it onto his phone. Okay, so when Jean downloaded it to his phone, he scrolled through it for a short while afterwards, with Jean's help, but didn't find anyone good, so they left it there and Eren didn't go back onto it until the day afterwards, when he was alone.

He didn't find anyone he'd like to specifically fuck, he didn't like the looks of anyone there. Most of the young guys were chav's which were not Eren's type. Not even close. He'd then left it for a week, totally forgetting about it altogether. It was around 8pm when Jean texted him about it.

'Hey, man. Found anyone to fuck on Grindr yet? –Jean'

Eren's eyes widened slightly, remembering. 'Oh shit, no, I totally forgot! –Eren'

Jean's next text came in as soon as Eren sent his reply, 'What!? Go back on there and look, virgin-Jaeger! –Jean'

Eren sighed, typing back his reply 'Yeah yeah, fine I will, later –Eren'

Eren then scrolled through his phone to the Grindr app, finding it at the very back of his phone amongst the apps he didn't use much, clicked it, and waited for the screen to load up. When it finally did, he noticed he had 16 messages. He looked at them, only 3 were from people he found a week ago, the rest were from other people who have said 'hey' to him since he hasn't been on there.

He looked through the messages; most were from old guys, like old old guys. Old men. Not what Eren wanted. He didn't have a daddy kink or a grandfather kink, no sir no. Apart from the old men, there were a lot of 'chav', guys who wore tracksuits and really did not look good in them at all. Most of the chats had sent pictures of their faces, or even dick pics.

Eren felt like cringing into the night.

He really didn't like these random people who were messaging him on here, they didn't seem too nice, and they only seemed too desperate for sex or sexting. Eren was not up for sexting, by far.

He looked at one specific chat, someone had sent a 'hey' and since Eren didn't answer, he sent a face pic, then of course Eren didn't answer to that either, so the guy sent a dick pic. And even after that, he didn't get a reply so he sent a hole pic, which made Eren cringe even more. Like, what? Why would they do that, he thought it was so horrible and made him feel sick. No offence to people who do sext or whatever, it was just the fact that these men were old men sending these.

He never liked the idea of sexting or whatever, over the internet. It was probably one of the worst things that the internet was used for. He didn't really like the idea of a quick fuck either but he just wanted to get it off his chest so his friends wouldn't keep pestering him about it.

He took a screen shot of the chat he was looking at and sent it to Jean.

'Look at this, it's fowl! –Eren' He sent the text.

Jean's reply came slower this time, 'What? Why don't you fuck him? –Jean'

'Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not fucking some desperate chav –Eren'

'Hmm –Jean'

'What? –Eren'

'Just keep searching, remember to be as open minded as you can, tho, don't judge a book by it's cover! –Jean'

'Says you, playboy –Eren'

'Hell yeah, pretty boy –Jean'

Eren laughed a little at that, that was the nickname Jean used to call him as soon as he came out as gay, he didn't find it offensive, instead funny. He called Jean playboy and he got called Pretty boy in return. Sure, Playboy isn't an insult like Pretty boy, but it's a true fact that Jean was a playboy. And it's also a true fact that Eren was a pretty boy. He was gay, after all, and he was also quite good looking too. He broke a lot of girls hearts when he came out as gay in school.

Since he was one of the jocks, as you'd say. He wasn't mean though, he was kind, with slight anger issues. He was on the football team, along with Jean and Reiner and all that. Eren was very good friends with Armin, who was considered a nerd in school, but of course Armin was still quite good looking, and being friends with Eren unintentionally highered his popularity, so some girls started craving him as they did Eren and Jean.

That's how Armin started dating Annie, who was on the girls swimming team.

Mikasa, on the other hand, was the head of the Martial arts club, which had a lot of members, including Eren and Jean, which is how Eren became better friends with Mikasa. Sure, he had been great friends with her in Primary School, along with Armin, but they grew apart for a while. They only then started being friends again when Eren needed help on his failing classes with Armin, and when Jean wanted to meet Mikasa, which is how they all became very good friends again.

Mikasa and Jean were dating, and Eren liked to forget the fact that Jean had taken her virginity, since Mikasa was like a sister to him. Damn, he hated the fact Jean started bragging about it to Eren afterwards. He ended up punching him when he first found out, since he was quite protective. He grew to be okay with it in the end, but still hated when Jean talked about fucking her and so on~

'Going to try and find more guys, message you in a bit, I'm only doing this to get all of you off my back, just so you know – Eren' He sent the text and waited patiently for the reply which came in quick again.

'I can live with that, and alright. Later! – Jean'

He clicked off of the app and went back on Grinder to search through even more guys to arrange to fuck with. He eventually fell asleep on the couch, TV still on and phone on the floor (it had fallen from his hand when he fell asleep) and a loose blanket covering his tall frame.


End file.
